Santa: Exposed
Do you want to know what Santa keeps in his sack? Not presents; he keeps those in the back of the sleigh. No, that child-shaped sack on his back serves a much more sinister purpose… Caution: If you’re happy in your belief that Santa is a jovial fellow who would never hurt a hair on your head, look away now. This exposé reveals Saint Nick’s darker past, and may make you think twice before hoping he sneaks into your bedroom on Christmas Eve. You have been warned. * As a child, I used to set traps for Father Christmas. I suppose I’ve always been something of a skeptic, and successfully capturing Santa (with my ball of string tied to carefully-laid-out Micro Machines) constituted pretty good proof of his existence. Unfortunately Santa is a sneaky devil and always managed to skilfully avoid my traps, which only furthered my curiosity. Who was this mystical fat man who eluded traps and burglar alarms? How did he know where I lived? And was it not awfully dangerous to jump arse-first into a fireplace during the coldest month of the year? The more I pondered the conundrum that was Santa Claus, the more the story I had been taught just didn’t make sense… Why a giant sock? Sure, it’s better than a regular size sock, but it’s still remarkably stupid. Why not just leave a box or something? Being Welsh, you should all know what an important resource coal is: it provides energy and warmth, two things which are particularly valuable in Winter. Charcoal is also my favourite medium for drawing, and I have quite a few boxes of it. So what if I’m cold or want to draw something – do I have to be bad? Coal just seems a very unusual thing to receive as a punishment. If I were Santa I’d leave a dog turd in your stocking. Morality isn’t always a black-and-white subject. Imagine you were walking past a train track and saw a doctor (who gives to charity, works in Casualty and saves lives daily) has been tied to the tracks and a train is hurtling towards him. You reach the track-changing-switch-thingy in time to divert the train and save him, but on the other track are ten convicted criminals who have escaped from jail. Do you sacrifice the criminals to save the doctor, or do you let the doctor die and the convicts escape back into society? It’s a moral dilemma. I would like to know precisely how Santa would judge the ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’ outcomes of such a scenario. Seriously, what the hell? I’ve seen Lord of the Rings and find it very difficult to picture Legolas sat in an igloo building toys. Hobbits, maybe, but definitely not elves. Read the full article at CLIConline here:
You must leave a giant sock for Santa to put gifts in
Santa brings bad children coal
How does he define ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’ children?
Elves
